I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
