One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
