dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
