I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Are we still banned from the library?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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