6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
