you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
