sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
