Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
