I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
