Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize