So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
