I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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