he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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