her vagine was all disorganized.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
