great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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