So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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