Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
