I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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