I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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