Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I want is dick and wine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
