he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
