I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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