I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
