So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
