so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
