you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
