There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
