oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
