Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
