if you like me you must not know who I am
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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