Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
