checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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