i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize