Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
