So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
