sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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