they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
