haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He felt like a one man threesome
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
