I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize