Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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