U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
