I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
