My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
