Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
