U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
