I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We need to rekindle our bromance
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
