THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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