Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
