Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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