Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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