you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
