Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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