Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
