Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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