I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You took a bar mat shot.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
