just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize