sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize