I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
