I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
