bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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