We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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