Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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