remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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