Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
