I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
