I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
