Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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