tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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