So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
