Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
