Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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