His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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