All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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