so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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