I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
