I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
