It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
