im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
