The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
