I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he thought i was a dude.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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