There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize