I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
