i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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