Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i believe in u and ur pee
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
