Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
