When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
