i think my mom watched the whole time
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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