i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
