u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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