When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
