either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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