he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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