Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
