i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize